08/06/23 17:55

Somehow, I’ve managed to get through an horrendous chest infection that pretty much rendered me useless at the beginning of the week.  My sleep was disrupted, my body riddled with pain and my lungs were fighting for supremacy against the ever-growing mucus batallions that marched forward relentlessly at my every movement.  And tomorrow, I’m off to Paris with Nev for our 10k.  It’s an early start, not too early, but I enjoy making the most of my time there.  We’re getting our bibs tomorrow and then deciding what to do for Saturday.  The weather is expected to be gloriously hot but with storms on Saturday and rain on Sunday.  Monday should hopefully be dry.

So, with my out of office now firmly on, the £500 MOT for the car waiting for my return, and the suitcase half-filled, I figured I’d go for a quick trip to Costa for a popcorn frappé and a little jot in the journal.  Or notebook for the blog tags.  I’ve reduced my writing bag down and swapped back to the pencil tin from the boys.  This will be for the times that Nev is still sleeping.

The podcast idea is burning holes in my head but I’ve simply no practical way to start.  I want to do videos, but audio ones are going to be easier in terms of visuals and contributors.   I know I’ll sort something out somehow but, like most of my projects, I just have to get around to doing to it.  Like cracking on with the book.  I’ve almost changed my thoughts AGAIN about what to do and how to do it.

Team Leader Jim suggested that I make more documented posts on Instagram.  I love that idea and talking to Nev last night on my way to get the boys, we both realised that I know a handy handful of facts about different places in Paris.  But like the podcast concept, I need a wedge of material first.  And the best way to get the material is to be in Paris, exploring, writing, taking photos and videos.  Not an easy thing to do when I have neither money nor time to be taking trips to Paris.

When I sat down at the wonky table and put both of my feet on the legs to stop the wobble, I suddenly thought that rather than have a separate notebook for the book and the blog, what if I write in the regular blog notebooks and simply not have that set of writing as a blog.  I then thought about the reason behind the blog – once the master’s was finished, I’d use it as a standalone book, to be the behind-the-scenes book of the actual book.  In practice, I don’t want to combine and mix the two.  So, I’m not going to.

Finding my voice – my writing voice, not the one for the podcast – isn’t easy.  I write these blog posts straight from my head and I’m not worried about the nuances, the threads, the tone or the rhythm.  It’s my style.  My blog style.  As we know, I’ve started the big book a few times now and to very little self-acclaim.  I think it’s because of a few things.  One, I never really knew what I was after.  Also, I’ve been trying to squeeze writing in when I get the time as opposed to writing when I get the creativity.  I don’t seem to want to be very creative at the minute.  Work sucks my soul dry and then I try to free my brain with little distractions.  I’ve not been to the pub or coffee shops lately and my room isn’t distraction-free enough to find myself.  That’s why I’m looking, well, before the MOT I was looking, at the August or November trip to Paris.  Neither will be happening now.  And once the rugby season kicks back in, I’ll be there, at the club, for two nights during the week with the boys.  I have a feeling I may be utilising my lunch breaks at the office more, as time ticks on.  Earplugs in, ambient noise on, small meeting room door closed and notebook, fountain pens and fibre tips at the ready.  I did it for my master’s, I can do it for my book.  Although most of my master’s was during Lockdowns and remote working.  Okay, so a good few years of my bachelor’s degree was at the office.  And afterwards in libraries.

Going back to the book book, I think I simply need to sit down and write.  Without planning.  If I get the words down, I can then edit, rewrite, change direction, see my errors and correct my ways.  This makes more sense to me.  I’ll keep the blog going regardless and can even use it as motivation if I start to struggle.  Once I get going and find my proper rhythm, it’ll be like shit off a shovel getting the words down and the chapters will appear quicker than Easter eggs on Boxing Day.  With the focus off running and studying (I’m not too worried about the French language at the minute – I’m settling for steady studies), my head should be clearer.  I’m once again feeling better.  I know it’s easier said than done.  Although that should say it’s easier thought than written.  I lost 3lbs this week through not eating.  That was a good achievement.  And if I can do that, I can write a book.  Again.  I mean, heck, I’ve done 3 marathons in my 40’s and completed a bachelor’s and a master’s degree whilst in full-time employment.  I’m not one to blow my own trumpet by any stretch, but I’m actually rather amazing when I look at what I’ve accomplished.  It’s not always visible and it’s rarely easy but I’m very proud at what I’ve achieved with the help of the universe.   And my friends and family.  But mainly with my own GSD. Grit, shit and determination.  And this concludes a full notebook page paragraph, too.