27/01/25 08:06 

Another Monday morning and this time, things are a little more bleak.  Money is virtually non-existent at the minute and I’ve not only a mountain of debt but also a mountain of bills to pay.  This, on top of escalating costs and additional travel, honestly doesn’t help my situation.  However, you know me.   Always reliant on both the Universe and my survival skills. 

If this podcast somehow manages to garner an income, it’ll not only be a miracle but also incomprehensible.  Now, we know I’m not truly in it for the fame and fortune – I’m in it for the legacy and brain activity.  And this brings me to yet another reason why I’m not sleeping.  I have so many ideas as to how I wish to do things, the direction I wish to take but money, time and confidence are all lacking.  I’m not saying I’m at that desperate depressional low I’ve been in before but I’m starting to begin to think that I may be slowly heading there. 

With the imminent passing of my stepmum, I know my dad will be suffering and this is a huge weight for me.  He lives too far away for regular visits and we’re not the easiest people to talk to on the phone. 

If things were different, I’d move him closer to me so he’d get more time with the boys again – he used to see them every Friday for their early years.  Given time, I believe that closeness would return, yet time is one gift I don’t always have.  When things are more settled, I’d like to take him to Paris for a day or two.  Physical issues aside I think it would be lovely.  Even if it’s not a direct episode, it would be a memory for both of us.  Along with my eyesight, memories are slowly fading away.  Could it be related to my constant lack of sleep?  The diabetes or as I possibly suspect, something a little more sinister?  Stress and depression don’t help and I find myself with these words bringing a minimum amount of reassurance.  That’s why I keep going.  I keep the cogs turning so that they don’t seize up.  My running is non-existent and my body feels it.  If I give up on my creativity, I fear the end – knowingly or otherwise – will creep closer.  I don’t want that.  A cruel and wicked conundrum I find myself in.  I think and don’t sleep.  Because I don’t sleep, I fear my mind will go.  Because I worry my mind will go, I think.  And because I think, I don’t sleep. I think. 

Still only 23 days until Paris! 

And no true idea of what to do for Season 4.  Nev treated me to the Versailles exhibition at the Science Museum last Friday as well as lunch as La Gazette at the Institute Français.  I seriously want to crack on with learning French but I can’t see it happening this year.  Or next year, either.  Duolingo it is, then. 

But back to Season 4 and I’m happy with the video medium, for now.  I’d like to knock out a few more written episodes so I can use them if needed and I’ll possibly start those again in March once I’m settled back into a routine and not worrying about the 2025 seasons of the podcast.  With the TikTok/Capcut ban in America, I was slightly worried but I’ve managed to find a workaround, should issues happen here.  They won’t, but at least I’m ready. 

In my head, I’ve reduced the amount of equipment I need to schlep around Paris to record the episodes with, which is good.  I do feel I need to ask permission to café owners if I’m going to record in their establishments.  Starbucks would probably be okay with it – the posh one, that is. 

And Instagram videos are often recorded on the phone so I’m guessing b-roll is okay with handheld vlogging cameras, like the DJI Osmo Pocket 3 or even an action camera like the DJI Action 2 or DJI Action 5.  Politeness never hurts, though.  I need to mention Louisette on my video descriptions, too. 

The ex-pat coffee shops shouldn’t be an issue if it’s early, I’m ‘quiet’ and I buy coffee.  Which is generally exactly what happens with the artisanal boulangeries.  Maybe an hour or two in a few won’t hurt – caffeine levels, aside.  I think I’m in the 15^th this time so I should pop to the Eiffel Tower.  Maybe I’ll do my intro and outro there.  Maybe the outro there at night and the intro at another iconic location?  The Louvre pyramid, Notre Dame or Sacre Cœur?  Wherever I am in the early hours of the daytime will be the best guide.  I’m half-thinking of taking my walking tour cards and trying to grab routes from there for my time in Paris. Once I’m back, I can add my information as a voice-over; an option I’ve had constantly brewing in the back of my mind.  More researching required but with my new video editing setup at home, it shouldn’t be too difficult.  As long as I get the time to do it and the correct material down on digital film.  Roll on retirement…